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|  Abuse leaves tale of healing 'I was smitten, bitten, but I was a sitting duck, too' Sandee Wong Calgary Herald Neighbours
It started with a handshake and an innocent question, "Haven't we met before?" His reply was: "No. Had we met before, I'd never have let you go." When M.L. Gallagher met Conrad Cini, she was a 45-year-old single mother of two daughters, who were also taken by the man. "At the beginning, they thought he was really nice," she says. "He bought them fancy gifts, too. He was very charming. "I was smitten, bitten, but I was a sitting duck, too." Eight years later, Gallagher now recalls that encounter as the start of a fairy-tale romance with Prince Charming but it quickly spiralled into abuse and left her with deep scars of shame and terror. The freelance writer has chronicled her four-year relationship with Cini in her new book, The Dandelion Spirit: A True Life Fairytale of Love, Lies and Letting Go (325 pages, $21.95, Ward 8 Press). Gallagher's relationship with Cini, whom she names Peter in the book, lasted four years and nine months and was characterized by lies, mind control and threats. In February 2003, Gallagher left with Cini for the West Coast, believing that her daughters would be safer and better off without her. When they ran out of money, Cini cashed a cheque Gallagher's girlfriend had given her. Her girlfriend contacted Calgary police, who traced the cheque and found the couple at a bed and breakfast in Maple Ridge, B.C. Cini was arrested for fraud, violations of a conditional sentence and other charges in an unrelated case. "I was catatonic," Gallagher recalls. "I remember sitting there. For a long time, there was this roaring inside my head. I knew at some point he was going to kill me, but I couldn't conceive that this person was out of my life." Cini went to prison in May 2003 for a sentence of two years and 27 days at a minimum-security prison in Grande Cache. He went missing in August and was found in the heating ducts a week later. After that incident, he was sent to Drumheller Penitentiary and was released in April 2004. In June, Cini was still on parole when Gallagher, who was living in Vancouver at the time, returned to Calgary to celebrate her daughter's birthday. She was walking to her girlfriend's condominium when he jumped out of the trees and scared her. "I screamed and I ran," Gallagher says. The police were called, and Gallagher wrote a victim impact statement. Cini's parole was revoked, and he kept postponing his parole hearings. Although there's now a Canada-wide warrant for him, Gallagher says she no longer lives in anger or fear. Rather, through that relationship, she's learned some important lessons about herself. "I know to this day I wasn't thinking clearly. I was terrorized and terrified," she says. "What happened to me had everything to do with my lack of love for me. The lesson is to stay true to who I am, to my values, my beliefs." Gallagher will read excerpts from The Dandelion Spirit on April 3 from 6:30 pm to 8:30 p.m. at McNally Robinson Booksellers, 120 8th Ave. S.W. Also at the event will be former Calgary police officer Brian Willis, who will talk about what individuals can do to protect themselves. Jean Dunbar, director of the YWCA Sheriff King Home, will speak about domestic violence and the role of shelters in helping women escape abusive relationships. "It's an excellent book," says Willis. "It's a courageous project on (Gallagher's) part to educate other people who have been or are in that kind of relationship." Copies of the book can be ordered by e-mailing steve@ward8.com. A portion of the book's sales will go to Sheriff King. "Everybody's story is unique but there are parts that are similar -- the power, control and fear," says Dunbar. "It's important for women to realize that it's not their fault, even though that's what they're told." swong@theherald.canwest.com |
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